An elderly woman was traveling at breakneck speed along the highway when she unexpectedly encountered a policeman holding a speed gun. As soon as the police motioned for her to stop, she did so, stopping her car on the shoulder. “What’s the rush, ma’am?” the officer greeted her as he walked up to her car.

I’m late for work, the elderly woman responded, her voice displaying a tinge of frustration.

The officer asked, “Oh, I see,” and nodded sympathetically. What kind of work do you do?

The elderly woman moved closer the officer and said, “I’m a rectal distender,” with a sly glitter in her eye.

The officer’s eyebrows raised, his expression showing a mix of wonder and surprise. “A what? An intestinal distorter? And what precisely does that entail?

The elderly woman leaned in closer and said, grinning slyly, “Well, you see, I start by putting a finger in, then another, then I work up to three fingers, four fingers, until the whole hand is in. I stretch the rectum gradually till it is about 6 feet wide by working from side to side until I can fit both hands in.

The policeman was completely taken aback. “And what on earth do you do with a 6-foot-wide rectum?” he sputtered as his jaw dropped.

The elderly woman leaned back and retorted, “Give him a speed gun and put him by the side of the road.”