At a small parish in rural England

In a little rural English parish, there resided a priest and a number of nuns.

The church’s rugs were starting to fray, and one of the elder nuns noticed this one day.

“Father,” she said to the priest, “I think your rugs need to be replaced soon.”

She was complimented by the priest for alerting him to the issue, and he informed her that he believed she had been there long enough to call church property “our” rather than “your.”

It took the same nun several days to realize that the hedge needed to be trimmed.

She approached the priest once more and said, “Father, I’ve noticed that your—I mean, our hedge needs to be trimmed.”

This time, the priest asked her if she had seen his missing watch and thanked her for bringing it to his notice once more.

Although she claimed not to have, she promised to find it.

Word of the bishop’s impending visit reached the parish a few days later.

As the church was being prepared for the visit, the entire parish was occupied.

The same nun came down the front steps shouting, “Father! Father!” on the day the bishop arrived.
“Your watch is here!”

The bishop exclaimed, “My child is so wonderful.”
“You found it where?”

“I found it under OUR bed,” the nun replied to the priest after greeting the bishop.

On his way home one evening, a man saw a drunk in the streetlight, on his hands and knees, looking for anything.

When the man asked the alcoholic what he was so intently searching for, the drunk replied that his Rolex timepiece had broken off his wrist after he had tripped.

Because he was a good-hearted man, he got on his hands and knees and started helping the alcoholic who was trying to find his watch.

After ten minutes or so of unsuccessful attempts, the man questioned the inebriated man exactly where he tripped.

The alcoholic said, “About half a block up the street.”

The man said to the inebriated man, “Why, pray tell, are you looking for your watch here if you lost it a half block up the street?”

“It’s much better here,” the inebriated man said.

In Arkansas, a tourist was traveling during a torrential downpour on a remote road.

A man was sitting on the porch of a cabin he passed, playing a fiddle.

“On this rainy day, why don’t you go inside?” the visitor inquired.

“Because the roof leaks,” the fiddler said.

Why don’t you mend the roof, then?

“It’s impossible to repair a roof in the rain,” the fiddler replied.

“So, how about fixing the roof on a sunny day?”

“Because on sunny days the roof doesn’t leak!” the fiddler answered.

Everyday Joke: Three Italian Nuns Die and Decide Who They Would Like to Reincarnate As

Upon their arrival at the entrance of the lovely paradise, three Italian nuns who had died were given the opportunity to chose to be reborn and live for an additional six months.

With a cheerful expression, Saint Peter welcomed the women.

They had a lovely life that was worthy of imitation, and the saint, who appeared to be smiling and proud, told them that they might choose another identity to return to earth as.

The first Italian said, “I would love to live the remaining six months as Sophia Loren,” as soon as she heard this.

Then, in a flash, she was gone from the world.

Being Madonna would not bother her, the second nun added with excitement.

She disappeared, leaving the third nurse behind in a matter of seconds.

The third nun declared that she wished to pose as Sara Pipalini while glancing at Saint Peter.

When the saint questioned if she was certain of the name, it sounded unfamiliar.

The Italian woman nodded, but only after much discussion and interrogation did she eventually produce a newspaper and give it to the saint.

After a time of staring at it, he burst out laughing.

Said the saint:

“No sister, the paper says it was the Sahara Pipeline that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months!”

ANOTHER NUN JOKE

He struggled with his blurred eyesight and staggered, having consumed too many bottles for the evening.

As he left the tavern, he noticed a nun moving swiftly along the sidewalk.

After making a few inaudible grunts, the man charged at the nun.

The inebriated man grabbed her by the back and used some superman punches to knock her to the ground.

The inebriated man continued to approach the nun as she struggled to stand up, dumbfounded.

The man finally paused and stared at her icily, exhausted and seemingly done with the nun.

He looked directly into the nun’s eyes and shouted without regret:

“You’re not so bloody tough tonight, are ya Batman?”