My Grandkids Only Visited at Christmas for the Money – Last Year, I Finally Learned Who Truly Loved Me
I gave each of my grandchildren $10,000 every Christmas until I realized they were only coming for the money. I made the decision to play a quick game at that point. I found out who really liked me when I switched the envelopes.
I gained an important life lesson at the age of 87 that permanently altered my perspective on my family.
Independence has always been important to me. I saved money diligently and worked hard my entire life.
After my husband passed away, I never got married again and developed a pleasant life for myself over time.
I had enough money to give liberally to the individuals I cared about and never needed assistance from others. That was more important to me than living a lavish lifestyle.
After my husband passed away, I never got married again.
I used to ask my five grandchildren to come see me at Christmas.
I would give them each an envelope containing $10,000 after supper.
I used to, at least, think they loved me regardless of the money.
Over time, I began to see things I hadn’t previously wanted to see, but it felt simpler than requesting more frequent phone calls and visits.
Things that I had previously not wished to see began to catch my attention.
Don’t you know how it works?
You tell yourself that they do care, but in ways that don’t seem like caring anymore, and you accept the lies about how busy they are.
None of them truly showed up for me, but they all showed up on Christmas Eve like clockwork.
I began to wonder what might happen if I altered the guidelines for our small Christmas custom.
I began to consider the consequences of altering the rules.
That Christmas got off to a typical start.
The youngest, Jake, was talking about a party he had arranged after supper with hardly taking his eyes off his phone.
Twenty-three years old and attractive in the reckless manner that young men can be when they haven’t yet realized that beautiful looks fade more quickly than moral character.
Without looking at me, he planted a kiss on my cheek.
That Christmas got off to a typical start.
Christy, a prosperous and married woman, sighed loudly about how tired she was and spent the majority of the evening with one baby on her lap and the other on her shoulder.
She also looked at it. Her hair was twisted back in an untidy knot, her fashionable clothing were wrinkled from travel, and she had dark circles under her eyes.
Carl, a junior legal assistant, was constantly looking at his watch and talking about how busy he had been lately.
Carl continued to look at his watch.
He told me, “Big case coming up,” while adjusting his cufflinks. “The partner is depending on me to finish the brief by the 26th. Honestly, I probably shouldn’t have taken tonight off at all.”
Mike, a single parent and mechanic, continued sneaking out to answer phones.
He said, “Sorry,” every time he returned inside. “Work thing.”
On the eve of Christmas? Really?
Unmarried and constantly on the go, Julian showed me pictures from her most recent vacation without even checking in to see how I was doing.
Mike continued to slip outside to answer phones.
We ate dinner. Christmas music played gently in the background as we laughed where it was expected.
Then, as usual, my grandchildren began to look at the envelopes that were set next to my plate.
All of them were waiting. courteously, but clearly.
I started my game at that point.
I started my game at that point.
One by one, I distributed the envelopes while grinning as usual.
I said, “Merry Christmas, sweetheart,” to each of them.
Jake was the first to rip his open.
He gave a blink. Then blinked once more.
He replied, looking in. “Uh,” he said. “Hi, Grandma. I believe there may have been an error.
“Hi, Grandma. I believe there may have been an error.
“I apologize, but there isn’t a mistake. I can only give you that because my savings aren’t as large as they once were.”
Christy opened her envelope and took out the lone message.
“The amount is $50. That’s very kind of you.
Carl’s throat was cleansed. “Things are expensive for everyone right now.”
Soon later, he looked at his watch.
I learned everything I needed to know from that little act.
I learned everything I needed to know from that little act.
With a quick nod, Mike shoved the envelope into his pocket. “Grandma, thank you. Every tiny bit is beneficial.
“Oh… okay.” Julian flipped her package over twice.
The game was only getting started, but they didn’t appear overly angry.
As usual, I invited them to supper for Christmas the next year.
The game was only getting started.
The excuses began to come in as the sky became darker on Christmas Eve.
“Sorry, Grandma, plans ran late,” one of them texted. I adore you!
Another said she couldn’t make it that year and left a brief message along with one of those animated Christmas tree pictures.
I received an email from one of the boys as if I were a business associate. The subject line said, “Christmas Regrets.”
The justifications began to come in.
I didn’t even try to read the remainder.
A voicemail was left by another grandchild.
There was just one vehicle in my driveway.
The headlights caught my attention as I stood by the kitchen window. I thought I would cry for a second. In fact, someone showed up!
The final phase of the game was about to begin.
There was just one vehicle in my driveway.
Julian was uncertain as he left with a small paper bag. When I opened the door, she grinned.
“Am I ahead of schedule? No one else appears to be here yet.
I informed her, “Oh, they couldn’t make it this year,”
She frowned and waited for a beat, but I could see it in her face when she understood why they hadn’t arrived.
“They couldn’t make it this year.”
“Oh, I see. So I suppose it’s just us.
She gave me a cheery smile, but I could tell it was only for me.
Just the two of us ate together.
It wasn’t just the quantity of vacant chairs at the table that made me notice something strange about Christmas dinner that year as we were eating.
That year’s Christmas supper was unique in some way.
Julian inquired about my well-being. With real interest, not in that courteous, “just making small talk” manner.
Yes, she continued to show me pictures of all the locations she had been to over the year, but there was also genuine conversation in between.
She laughed so hard that she had to put down her fork when I told her about how last week I had unintentionally triggered the smoke alarm while preparing toast.
I slid an envelope across the table after dinner.
I slid an envelope across the table after dinner.
I stopped her before she could put it in her pocket after picking it up.
“Open it. Take a look inside.
She ripped the envelope open and peered inside. Her gaze expanded.
“Grandma, what is this? I don’t get it.
“Honey, it’s easy. Last year, just before Christmas, I made the decision that something needed to change.
“Right before Christmas last year, I decided things needed to change.”
“See, between the constant phone checking and absent-minded small talk, I started to wonder which of my grandchildren would still come to see me if there wasn’t a price tag attached to the visit.”
Julian remained silent as he gazed at me while holding the envelope.
“So, I devised a little test.”
“I devised a little test.”
The words lingered between us, weighty, truthful, and perhaps a touch harsh.
“Does that mean you lied, Grandma?”
I gave a nod. I apologize, but when there was nothing to gain, I needed to know who would show up. When the well dried up, who would come?
“I guess I can understand that, but it doesn’t explain this!”
She took the contents out of the envelope and raised it.
“I can understand that, but it doesn’t explain this!”
For that evening, I had prepared multiple envelopes. Depending on how many of my grandchildren attended, I had meticulously planned it out.
Julian received everything because she was the only one: $50,000 in one cheque.
“You’re the only one who came, so it’s all yours,” I responded.
I believed I had prepared every aspect of this test thoroughly, but I was totally unprepared for what Julian did next.
The next thing Julian did took me entirely by surprise.
She shoved the cheque back in my direction after sliding it back into the envelope.
“I owe you nothing. Grandma, I apologize that you felt the need to test us and that I was the only one who passed, but you don’t have to give me anything in return. I can love you without a reward.
My eyes burned with tears.
She wasn’t done yet, though.
She had not yet finished.
“Perhaps you could use it for something better. Give it to a good cause or something.
I stared at her for a while.
I didn’t feel like I was playing a sick guessing game of “who really loves me” for the first time in years.
Julian had not simply appeared; she had demonstrated to me that love and money were incompatible.
I didn’t feel like I was playing a crazy guessing game for the first time in years.
I said, “You’re right,” at last. “There probably is.”
Julian assisted me with my three charity research. One for hospice care, one for children’s reading initiatives, and one for meals on wheels.
I gave them a portion of the money.
After then, I had no idea what would happen, but Julian shocked me again.
Julian took me by surprise again.
She began to come more often.
She came for Easter and Thanksgiving. When she happened to be in town on a random Wednesday, she came.
And at the age of 87, I at last realized something I had denied for decades.
You cannot purchase love. You can’t test its existence or trade it for anything.
I finally realized what I had been denying for decades.
Either you possess it or you do not.
It manifests itself when you do. It asks how you’ve been sitting at your table. It means it when it throws envelopes back across tables.
I regret not learning that lesson earlier.
However, I’m glad I discovered it at all.
