I Pulled Out of My Son’s Wedding Fund Just Weeks Before — Here’s Why

Is it reasonable for me to have canceled my financial support for my only son’s wedding two weeks prior to the big day, even though I had promised to pay for it?

I was overjoyed to be helping to pay for my only son’s wedding, but everything fell apart during a casual coffee conversation. I pulled the plug two weeks prior to the vows.

Not with malice — but with fear. Was it appropriate for me to leave the party I had imagined?

Everything I believed to be true about my son’s relationship with his fiancée was altered by a single conversation.

They had always appeared to get along so well, as though their love would endure forever.

However, I knew it would fester over time as soon as I learned what they had done. I grew increasingly convinced that it would eventually ruin their relationship the more I fretted about it.

I was powerless to stop it, but I was also powerless to take action.

Allow me to explain.

Alice and my 25-year-old son Jake have been together since their sophomore year of college. I considered her to be a sweet girl.

I could tell before he even opened his mouth last month when he arrived home with that smile on his face.

“Mom, I proposed!” he exclaimed, almost jumping up and down. “She said yes!”

I’m not embarrassed to say that I started crying in my kitchen.

I had been looking forward to this day for years as the mother of an only kid. I had even been secretly putting money down, dollar by dollar, in anticipation of this day.

“Jake, that’s wonderful!” I gave him the tightest hug possible. “I’m so happy for you both.”

“We’re considering perhaps next spring. Simple enough, but we must save, so—”

“Stop right there,” I said, cutting him short. “I want to cover every expense. Everything: the location, the cuisine, the photographer, the flowers! I gave it to you both as a gift.

“We’ll have to stay within budget,” I responded. “But I promise I’ll cover your wedding expenses.”

The glow in his face? When he was seven, it was like Christmas morning.

It was this. This was my opportunity to welcome Alice into the family in style and give my son the wedding of his dreams.

We went all out.

We reserved the location in less than two weeks. Alice had been gushing about it on the internet; it was a beautiful location with gardens and string lights.

The gorgeous dress her parents got her was probably more expensive than my first automobile. Jake was fitted for a gorgeous suit by me.

We selected music, picked flowers, and sampled desserts.

To be honest, I was living my best life, and every little detail felt like we were creating something amazing.

We talked about centerpieces and whether to serve fish or chicken. Just to discuss her veil or whether the bridesmaids should wear dusty rose or blush, Alice would phone me.

I had the impression that I was finally going to have the daughter I had always desired.

However, I sat Jake down in my living room two weeks before to the big day and gave him a direct look.

“I’m not paying for the wedding anymore.”

The ensuing hush was deafening. His face should have been visible to you. I felt as though I had given him a real slap.

“What?” His voice broke. “Mom, why?”

I inhaled deeply. “I think you know why.”

The blood drained from his face and he stiffened. “No, this is not possible. My desire to wed her remains intact. You assured me that you would pay for the wedding.

He was correct. I made a pledge. However, when I made that pledge, I was also ignorant.

“Jake, I need you to listen to me—”

“No, you listen to me!” He got up and started to pace my coffee table.

“Everyone is welcome! The space is reserved. Alice’s closet has her dress hanging there. He gave me a scowl. “You cannot simply decide to change your viewpoint! Not over anything so stupid, in particular. Alice and I figured it out, I told you.

How do you tell your youngster that doing the right thing might feel like hell at times? Even though that’s exactly what you’re doing, how do you convince him that you’re not attempting to harm him?

It had only been a few days before.

Jake and I were enjoying our usual Tuesday morning coffee. Jake had a peculiar attitude. a little uneasy, but cheerful.

Then he began giggling at something.

His words were, “Oh, Mom, you’ll get a kick out of this,” as he stirred sugar into his cup. “So I was on Tinder the other day—”

I felt sick to my stomach. “You were what?”

“Wait, let me finish!” He continued to smile. “You know, I was just wondering. I had no intention of meeting anyone. But then I got messages from this girl. Now that we’re talking, it turns out that it was Alice! She created a phony profile to put me to the test.

I gazed at him. “She what?”

“I understand, correct? Crazy! She made up this whole backstory using pictures of some random female. Everything is different, including the profession and name. She wanted to know if I would remain faithful.

All of a sudden, my coffee tasted like ash. “And did you?”

“Yes!” His smile wavered slightly. “Well, I did a little flirting. We got into a heated argument when she eventually came out. Screaming match, that is. However, we managed to overcome it.

worked things out. As if it clarified everything.

That chat kept me up for two nights. I couldn’t stop thinking about what he had told me, replaying it in my head like a riddle.

I believed that Jake and Alice genuinely and profoundly loved one another, and that they recognized that a strong bond is developed over time by making the daily decision to choose one another.

However, Jake had created a Tinder profile because he was interested in… well, what? The UI design of the app? Not sure.

Additionally, Alice had been waiting for him there.

Jake was mistaken. There is no reason why engaged guys should use dating applications. Flirting with other ladies is definitely not appropriate for them.

However, I found it equally unsettling that Alice had constructed a complex false identity in order to trick him.

I kept questioning myself: should you really be getting married at all if you need to catfish your future spouse in order to feel safe in your union?

On the other hand, why even propose if you’re using dating services weeks before your wedding?

It felt more poisonous the more I considered it. manipulative. As if their entire future were being constructed on a foundation of betrayal, testing, and secrets.

And I can’t express how much that frightened me.

“Have you?” I questioned him. “Because it appears that you both crossed some very important lines based on my observation. Furthermore, it appears that neither of you realizes the extent of the harm you have caused to one another.

“That’s not fair.”

“Isn’t it? Jake, it appears like your fiancée has excellent cause to not trust you to remain faithful to her. You stepped straight into the trap she laid for you. A marriage cannot be based on such shaky grounds.

He remained silent for a while.

Following that: “So you’re forbidding me to marry her?”

“No,” I muttered. “I am not imposing any restrictions. You’re grownups. You have the freedom to choose. However, I refuse to support a celebration for something I no longer support.

Soon after, Jake departed. I felt awful about what I had done, but I also felt lighter, as if a huge burden had been removed.

The backlash then struck me.

The problem is that certain members of our family believe I’m exaggerating.

Yesterday, I received a call from my sister, who accused me of “destroying their big day over one mistake.” According to Alice’s mother, I was exaggerating, and young couples always experience difficult times.

They might be correct.

Perhaps I’m exaggerating. Despite this difficult beginning, perhaps Jake and Alice will learn from it and create something lovely together.

However, I am unable to make another check for this wedding at this time.

It’s not about retaliation or punishment. It has to do with ideals.

Jake was brought up to be dependable and honest by me. I taught him that the cornerstone of any healthy relationship is trust.

If both partners betrayed that trust at the start of the marriage, how can I celebrate?

Jake exclaimed, “You’re making a mistake, Mom,” as he was heading out that day. “I’m in love with Alice. That is the only thing that counts.

Love. What a straightforward term for such a complex concept. I can’t pretend to support something I don’t believe in since I love Jake more than life itself.

They are still able to marry. Their lovely garden wedding with ideal flowers and string lights is still possible. Simply put, I will no longer be providing the funds.

And if I’m the antagonist in this tale, if I’m the cruel future mother-in-law who destroyed everything, then so be it.

Instead than throwing money at a marriage based on deceit, lies, and traps, I would rather stick to my convictions. Because I have to live with myself at the end of the day.

And even if it hurts, I have to think that sometimes saying no is a necessary part of love.