Entitled Couple Tried to Ruin My Flight — I Responded with Calm and Cleverness

Have you ever had awful seatmates? Introducing the newlyweds that made my fourteen-hour flight a nightmare. The jet was mistaken for their honeymoon suite.

I thought it was time to create some turbulence of my own to give a memorable lesson in airplane etiquette when they pushed too far.

Love is said to be in the air, but my most recent flight was a complete mess. Hi there! I’m 35-year-old Toby, and I have an incredible story that will make you reconsider your next trip.

Imagine this, then: After spending what seems like an eternity gone abroad, I’m on a plane, counting down the minutes until I can finally embrace my wife and child.

The arrival of two conceited newlyweds made my flight a complete nightmare.

I had treated myself to a premium economy seat for my fourteen-hour flight. To be honest, every inch of extra legroom matters when you’re looking down the barrel of that many hours in a metal tube.

The man next to me cleared his throat as I got comfortable, feeling pretty pleased about my choice.

He said, “Hey there,” with a smile. “My name is Dave. I hate to ask, but would you mind taking my wife’s seat instead? We recently tied the knot, and, well, you know.”

I put on my biggest smile of congratulations. “Dude, that’s fantastic. Well done! Where is your spouse seated?

Dave’s smile wavered slightly as he gestured to the rear of the aircraft. “My Lia is back there. in the economy.

I’m not a monster now. I understand that newlyweds desire intimacy. However, I wasn’t going to give up this seat for free because I had spent a lot of money for it.

“Look, Dave,” I remarked, attempting to be cordial. “I absolutely need the comfort, thus I paid more for this seat. However, I’d be willing to switch if you want to pay the difference, which is roughly $1,000 Australian dollars.

Dave’s expression grew glum. “One thousand dollars? You must be joking with me.

I gave a shrug. “I’m sorry, friend. That’s the matter. If not, I’m remaining where I am.”

A glimpse of Dave’s face appeared when I inserted my ears. Let’s just say that I would have been a goner immediately if appearances could kill.

He whispered, “You’ll regret this,” loud enough for me to hear.

I had no idea that those three statements would quickly transform my tranquil trip into a combat zone at 30,000 feet.

The coughing started first. It’s not just any clearing of the throat, either. We are discussing intense, hack-up-a-lung explosions, which made me question whether I ought to grab a hazmat suit.

“You okay there, Dave?” Trying not to lose my temper, I asked.

He gave me a look that made my blood boil. He wheezed, “Never better,” and then erupted again.

I was about to offer him a cough drop, or even a whole pharmacy, when Dave made the bold move. Without wearing headphones, he pulled out his tablet and began playing an action movie.

We got the stink look from the couple on the other side of the aisle. The man remarked, “Hey, buddy,” to Dave. “Mind turning that down?”

Dave gave a charming smile. I apologize for forgetting my headphones. We’ll all have to share in the fun, I suppose.

I clutched the armrest and gritted my teeth, my knuckles whitened. Come on, Dave. This isn’t cool.

His eyes glistened as he turned to face me. “Oh, I apologize. Are you uncomfortable with me? That must be terrible.

A shower of crumbs fell across my lap before I could reply. Somehow, Dave had made eating pretzels an Olympic sport, with more falling on me than in his mouth.

He smirked and muttered, “Oops,” without even trying to hide it. “Butter fingers.”

A giggle came down the aisle just as I was ready to lose it. Dave’s lovely bride, Lia, was standing there looking like the lucky charm.

She plopped herself directly onto Dave’s lap and murmured, “Is this seat taken?”

I don’t mean to seem prude, but the way they began to continue, you’d think they had forgotten they were on a crowded plane. The whispering, the chuckling, the other noises. Without the ability to switch the channel, it was similar to being stuck in a lousy romantic comedy.

I attempted to ignore the lovebirds’ performance by concentrating on my book, my movie, hell, even the safety card. However, I’d had enough of their antics after an hour.

I murmured, “That’s it,” and flagged down a flight attendant who was passing by. “Time to fight fire with fire.”

Dave and Lia turned up the corny act as the stewardess drew near, all gooey eyes and lovely nothings.

The attendant looked at our row with a mixture of skepticism and worry and said, “Is there a problem, sir?”

I inhaled deeply as I prepared to explain everything. This was going to work out well.

“Is there an issue? Where should I begin, I wonder? Loud enough for other passengers to hear, I said. “These two have turned this flight into their personal honeymoon suite.”

The stewardess looked from me to the snuggling pair and arched an eyebrow.

I went on, crossing things off my list. “We’ve had nonstop coughing, a movie blasting without headphones, a rain of snack crumbs, and now…” I pointed to Lia, who was sitting on Dave’s lap, and said, “this lap dance situation.”

Dave’s cheeks turned red. He rebelled, “We’re newlyweds!” “We just want to sit together.”

A brief instant of irritation was visible through the stewardess’s professional mask. “Sir, ma’am, I understand you’re celebrating, but there are rules we need to follow.”

Lia’s eyelashes fluttered. “Are you unable to make an exception? We have a special day today.

I felt compelled to add my voice. “It’s been their ‘special day’ for the last one hour.”

After adjusting her attire, the hostess turned to face the two lovers. “I’m sorry, but I can’t. Sitting on someone else’s lap as an adult is prohibited per airline regulation. It has to do with safety.

Dave’s self-satisfied smile wavered. “But—”

“No buts,” interrupted the hostess. “And since you didn’t pay for this upgraded seat but were moved here, you need to follow all rules strictly.”

I had to suppress a smile by biting my lip. It was a satisfying change to have the roles reversed.

Lia caught the stewardess’s attention. “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to return to your original seat.”

Lia’s gaze expanded. “You’re not serious! We’re wed!”

The stewardess responded, “Congratulations,” in a tone that made it obvious she was finished talking. However, marriage does not grant you an exemption from airplane safety rules. Kindly take a seat again.

Dave attempted to enter. “Look, we apologize if we bothered anyone. We swear to be quiet now.

The stewardess gave a headshake. “I fear that is insufficient. You will both have to board the aircraft in economy class and go to the back because of your disruptive behavior.

Dave’s face lost its hue. “The two of us? However, I paid—”

“You were upgraded as a courtesy,” the hostess said, cutting through. “You have abused a courtesy. Please get your belongings now.

I heard bits and pieces of Dave and Lia’s hushed disagreement as they grudgingly gathered their things.

Hissing, “This is all your fault,” Lia said.

“Is it my fault? It is you who—”

“Enough,” interrupted the stewardess. “Please move to the back of the plane.”

Red-faced and avoiding eye contact, they scurried past, and I couldn’t help but take one final picture.

“Enjoy your honeymoon,” I murmured, making a fake wave with my fingers.

Even though Dave’s look might have burned steel, I chose to grin and return to my now-calm seat.

She turned to face me, the stewardess. “Is there anything else you need, sir?”

I smiled as though I had won the jackpot. “Just some quiet time. And perhaps a celebratory beverage?”

I couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt as the stewardess left to get my drink. Had I been too severe? No, I shrugged it off. They were the ones who caused this.

I was greeted with a thumbs-up by an elderly man across the aisle. “Well played, son,” he said with a laugh. It brings back memories of my first marriage. At least we knew how to act in public, even though we were also young and stupid.

I smiled in return. “Thank you. I was beginning to get the impression that I was on a secret camera program.

The woman next him bent down. “You did us all a favor, honey. It was almost time for me to shove those pretzels down that boy’s throat.

As we all laughed, the tension from before dissipated. Having some allies felt wonderful.

My drink, a can of cola, and a little bottle of whiskey were brought back by the waitress. “On the house,” she said with a wink. “Consider it a thank you for your patience.”

I made a fictitious toast with the bottle. I shouted, “To peaceful flights and karma,” loud enough for everyone to hear. “Hear, hear!” erupted from the chairs close.

I kept thinking about Dave and Lia as I made my drink. Did they sit in the back and plan their retaliation? Or had they finally come to terms with the absurdity of their behavior?

A ring from the intercom broke the flow of my thoughts.

The cabin echoed with the captain’s words. “We anticipate some upheaval in the future, ladies and gentlemen. “Please go back to your seats and buckle up.”

I laughed in private. More turbulence? following our recent ordeal?

I heard a yell from the rear as the plane began to tremble. I turned in my chair to take a look. Dave was there, frantically attempting to prevent his drink from pouring across his lap from his tray table.

I sipped my coke and whiskey and turned around again. “Karma’s a witch!” I whispered.

The airplane entered a quiet calm as the turbulence decreased. Just as I was beginning to consider what may come next, there was a ruckus coming from behind.

“I need to use the bathroom!” It was Lia’s voice, high-pitched and demanding.

She was standing in the aisle with Dave just behind her when I turned around. She was being calmed down by a flight attendant who looked frantic, unlike the one who had assisted me before.

“Please go back to your seat, Ma’am. The attendant clarified that the sign to buckle seatbelts was still in place.

“But it’s an emergency!” Lia sobbed while performing a small dance for impact.

The old man looked at me. He gave me a wink, obviously enjoying the performance.

Dave added, his tone brimming with phony worry. “You see, my wife has a health issue. She really should go to the bathroom first. Back here, the one is… occupied.

The flight attendant appeared conflicted. “I get that, but regulations are regulations. Until the captain switches off the seatbelt indicator, you will have to wait.

Lia’s face fell flat. But I’m impatient! “Please, please, please!”

She was an amazing actress, and I had to give her credit for it. I could have felt terrible for her if I hadn’t known any better.

The attendant sighed, obviously unsure. “All right, but hurry up. And then immediately return to your seats, you understand?”

With a forceful nod, Dave and Lia pushed past her and headed for the front of the aircraft. I was powerless to stop them as they came toward my row. I got up and blocked their way.

“Whoa, people. We already resolved this, didn’t we? Remember the back of the plane? Loud enough for other passengers to hear, I said.

Dave’s expression grew glum. “Friend, take care of yourself. You don’t care about this.”

I arched an eyebrow. “Well, I believe it does. We wouldn’t want any more… disturbances, would we, after all?

With a horribly sweet voice, Lia spoke out. “Please, sir. We’re simply taking a brief potty break. We swear that we will return immediately.

I glanced at her, then at Dave, and last at the flight attendant who had allowed them to pass. It’s time for this charade to cease.

“You know what? You’re correct. I said, “I’m just taking a bathroom break,” and moved aside. “Go ahead.”

Dave and Lia raced past me, exchanging victorious looks. I wasn’t finished yet, though. I smiled as I turned to face the flight attendant.

“Pardon me, but I had to overhear. Did you mention that these two are authorized to be up here?

A frown creased the flight attendant’s forehead. “Well, I… they said it was an emergency.”

I gave a sympathetic nod. “I understand. And do you know that because of their earlier disruptive behavior, these two were specifically instructed to stay at the back of the aircraft?

The eyes of the attendant grew wide. “No, I wasn’t informed of that.”

At that moment, the stewardess who had previously assisted Dave and Lia showed up. She looked at the couple and said, “Is there a problem here?”

Dave’s face went white. Lia’s “emergency” dance came to a sudden halt.

I took a backseat and left it to the experts. I couldn’t help but sound arrogant when I said, “I think these two were just leaving.”

With a stern frown, the original stewardess turned to face Dave and Lia. “I believed I was clear earlier. Go back to your seats. “Now.”

“But…” Lia began, her façade faltering.

“No buts,” interrupted the hostess. “Or would you prefer we discuss this with the air marshal?”

It was that. Deflated, Dave and Lia slunk back to their economy seats without saying another word.

I couldn’t help but feel satisfied as the jet started to descend into California. The remainder of the journey had been incredibly quiet, and I couldn’t wait to see my loved ones.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we’re starting our last approach to Los Angeles International Airport,” the captain said over the intercom. Please make sure your seatbelts are fastened and your seats are upright.

Eager to get off the plane, I gathered my belongings as we taxied to the gate. I was approached by the stewardess who had saved our bacon.

“Thank you for your patience today,” she replied, grinning sincerely. “We hope you had a comfortable flight despite the… earlier disturbances.”

I smiled in return. “I did, thanks to you. You did a wonderful job with that scenario.

The compliment made her smile. “Have a great day, sir!”

After the lengthy journey, I got to my feet and stretched. I noticed Dave and Lia walking down the aisle, still avoiding eye contact with everyone.

I experienced a brief pang of pity. Being young, they were most likely just too thrilled about their honeymoon. However, the sympathy vanished when I recalled their smug demeanor.

I couldn’t help but take one final farewell shot as I passed their row. “I hope everyone gained some knowledge today. Enjoy your honeymoon.

Even though Dave’s cheeks became a striking shade of red, he remained silent. Well done.

I felt triumphant and eager to enjoy the remainder of my journey as I stepped off of the aircraft. I couldn’t help but laugh as I entered the terminal.

Even though it had been a very difficult flight, common sense and a small amount of karma had ultimately prevailed.

My wife and child were waiting for me, and I could see the joy on their faces. All thoughts of Lia and Dave vanished. All that mattered was that I was home.