My Wife Wants to Abandon Her Law Career for Her Dream Job Leaving $195k Debt on Me – I Have a Better Idea

I believed our main issue was money when my wife said she wanted to leave her legal job to become a teacher after accruing $195,000 in student loan debt. However, her furious response to my suggestion exposed a far more sinister aspect of our union than I had anticipated.

At the young age of 23, my wife and I were married. We are both 27 years old now, and she will soon have her law degree.

I was really pleased with her when she initially left.

She looked to be really interested in becoming a lawyer, and I encouraged her to pursue her goals even though I knew attending law school would require her to take on a lot of debt.

I recall the day she received her letter of admission. Emily was bouncing up and down, showing off that thin envelope around our small flat as if it were a lottery ticket.

“Isn’t it unbelievable, Daniel? “I really intend to pursue a career in law,” she declared.

“You have my utmost admiration, Em. I pulled her into an embrace and told her, “You worked so hard for this.”

I suppressed my persistent concern about the financial aspect of things even at that time. It was her time.

Four years later, however, she still owes about $195,000 in student loans from both law school and college. She also informs me that she no longer even wants to practice law.

Last Wednesday night was the talk that made all the difference.

Emily abruptly laid down her chopsticks and turned to face me with that serious gaze I’d come to know while we were eating Chinese takeout on our couch.

She said, “Daniel, I need to talk to you about something important,” in a remarkably quiet voice.

“Sure, what’s up?” I asked, but I felt uneasy with the tone of her voice.

She tucked her legs beneath herself and added, “I’ve been doing some soul-searching, and I realize I’ve been on the wrong path.” “Law school has been a terrible experience. The cutthroat atmosphere, the hard hours, and the competition are all things I detest. I’m not that person.

I was reeling on the inside, but I attempted to remain composed.

$195k in debt, and she was considering abandoning the career route that would enable her to pay it off? The city where we live is incredibly costly. It adds up: groceries, rent, insurance, etc. Her plan seemed illogical.

I slowly answered, “Okay,” as I tried to take in what she was saying. “So, what are you thinking instead?”

When she said, “I want to teach,” “Teach For America received my application. They assign recent graduates to schools with significant needs. Daniel, I could truly change the lives of children. That is more significant than money, isn’t it?

“How are we supposed to make this work financially?” Sincerely worried, I inquired. “Thirty-five thousand a year isn’t even close to covering rent, let alone loans.”

Her words, “This is my dream job,” “I finally found something that will make me happy.”

However, what about the debt of $195,000? That doesn’t simply vanish.

“Why do you constantly hurl that at me? You’re behaving as though my debt is a penalty.

I could see the defensive wall rising in her eyes at that moment, the same expression she always had when we discussed money.

When she began discussing the future, things became worse.

“And there’s something else I’ve been thinking about,” Emily remarked as she fidgeted with her sweatshirt hem. We’ve discussed having children soon, and I genuinely want it. However, I also believe that, at least for the first few years, it would be fantastic if I could live at home with them.

To be honest, I was shocked by what I was hearing. While we still owing close to $200,000, my wife was basically laying out a plan to quit her six-figure job, accept a job that barely earned more than minimum wage, and then quit working entirely.

“Remain calm. You want to work as a teacher for three or four years, earn just enough money to pay your rent, and then give up completely?” I inquired. Even if we still owe nearly $200,000 in loans? How do you think we’ll cover that with just my salary?

Emily crossed her arms defensively as her cheeks turned red. “So you’re saying that my debt prevents me from having children? Daniel, that’s cruel. You’re attempting to manipulate me by using my debt.”

I responded, “No,” as I began to lose patience. “I don’t see how we can accomplish this unless you have a strategy to accept responsibility for the debt you agreed to. I can’t let you go and handle everything myself.”

Those were unexpected remarks for Emily. Her look changed from defensive to astonished as I could see she was taking in what I had said.

“Assume accountability? Daniel, it’s our debt now. We’re wed. This is how it works,” she remarked, raising her voice a little.

“But it’s debt you created for a career you no longer want to pursue,” I responded. “I believed you were dedicated to attending law school, therefore I backed your decision. You want to go in a whole different direction now, and I’m meant to just bear the financial consequences?”

I made a line in the sand at that point. I informed her that, subject to one requirement, I could support her choice to change occupations.

“All right, if you want to teach. However, you must either sign a document stating that those debts will remain your responsibility and not mine, or you must provide me with a concrete plan for how you will pay back your loans. I’m not going to bear this alone.”

I knew I had gone too far the instant I said those remarks. Emily’s cheeks turned white and then crimson once more. Her hands began to shake.

She muttered, “You want me to sign papers?” “Legal documents? In opposition to my own spouse?”

“I want us to be realistic about our finances,” I replied. “Love is not at issue here. It’s a matter of survival.

However, I could see that it was all about love for Emily even while I was saying it. Additionally, I was failing a test that I was unaware I was taking.

“Amazing! My husband is intended to be you! And you’re discussing legal documents and debt separation? Money is more important to you than I am. Emily leaped off the couch and shouted.

“Our future is important to me. about stability. I got up to confront her and responded, “About not drowning in debt we can’t pay off.” “You decided to enroll in law school. Because you changed your mind, you can’t simply remove it.

“You’re not understanding! “You’re my husband, so you’re now in charge of my debt!” she cried, tears rolling down her face.

I was shocked by what I had just heard. I had never married a woman like this. The Emily I fell in love with was self-reliant, accountable, and took responsibility for her decisions.

It seems that the individual in front of me believed that marriage was a type of financial insurance policy.

“No. This isn’t how it works,” I stated coolly.

It’s unbelievable that you would even make such a suggestion. You would always be there for me if you truly loved me. You’re behaving as though I’m a burden. Emily sobbed.

With her eyes flaming and her hair wild, she sprinted off toward our bedroom before turning around at the hallway entry.

“Daniel, do you understand how this feels? You seem to be attempting a financial divorce from me while we are still married. As in, you want all the advantages of being married but none of the duties that come with being a husband.

“Em, that’s unfair. I’ve been there for you during your four years of law school. While you were studying, I took on extra job to help pay for our living expenses. I’ve been there for you through all of your breakdowns, late nights, and self-doubt. But just because you realized your costly degree was a mistake, I won’t ruin our future.”

“Bankrupt our future?” she said with a sour laugh. “What future? You’re already using your priceless legal agreements to organize our divorce.”

She slammed the bedroom door so forcefully that a picture frame broke on the hardwood floor after falling off the hallway wall. As I gazed at the shattered glass, I thought it was a pretty accurate representation of our destination.

There was terrible quiet after that. She didn’t leave the bedroom until I had already departed for work the following morning, and I didn’t talk to her for the remainder of the evening.

Three days later, I’m sitting here questioning whether I’m the villain. She claims that I put money before her happiness, yet it seems to me that she puts her happiness before our survival.

It’s getting stronger in my head, but I haven’t stated it aloud yet. I may need to reconsider this marriage completely if she refuses to accept responsibility for her debt and expects me to pay it off while she stops working in a few years.