Grandma’s Rulebook: Turning the Tables on My DIL’s List

My DIL Handed Me a Humiliating List of Rules for My Grandkids, So I Taught Her a Lesson

Ellen welcomes the chance to spend more time with her three grandchildren when she is asked to babysit them. Ellen declines when Linda, her daughter-in-law, arrives with a list of rude restrictions.

I am a devoted grandma. I enjoy being with my grandchildren. I was excited to be a grandmother even before I became a mommy!

However, after this, events took an unexpected turn.

Michael, my son, lives thirty minutes away with his wife Linda and their three kids. Sunday afternoons are spent with Michael and the kids dropping in and out. It’s just normal to spend time at Grandma’s pool and eat ice cream.

Recently, Linda and Michael requested me to spend the weekend watching the kids while they went to see Linda’s sick mother. It was understandable as I was aware of Linda’s mother’s illness battle and felt uneasy about my three grandchildren running around her house. Michael informed me that she had just begun chemotherapy, so she wanted quiet and time to heal.

Well, it looked like a straightforward request, didn’t it?

I concur.

That is, until Linda paid them a visit two days prior to their scheduled departure. During her lunch break, she stopped over to give me a set of rules.

After saying, “These are important to Mike and me,” Linda put the instructions’ envelope down on the table.

Guidelines to take care of my grandchildren?

I wasn’t furious at first since I understood that every parent is different. But I was really taken aback as I read through them while sipping a cup of tea.

The first, and most important, rule was to not touch their refrigerator. I was told to bring my own food and that I was not allowed in the refrigerator.

The second regulation required me to clean their two-story house in a “wet” manner every day. Who had the energy or time left to mop every day? Did they believe I was a fairy tale?

The true head-scratcher was the third rule, which told me to shower twice a day to save the kids from getting “infections” from me.

It was unbelievable to me.

I finally gave in and gave Michael a call early the next morning after a restless night.

“Michael,” I said before he had a chance to speak. “These regulations that Linda handed me need to be discussed. They are ostentatious and downright dehumanizing.”

“Mom?” he enquired. “What guidelines? I’m not familiar with what you’re discussing.”

I described how these regulations made me feel devalued and degraded.

He was astonished beyond belief. He appeared to be just as offended as I was when I read them to him.

“I’ll give you a call back,” he stated. “I promise.”

I made the decision to bake something to take my mind off things while I waited for Michael to call. A few hours later, there was a call on the phone.

“Mom, Linda explained the regulations are in place to protect the children. She also refuses to say sorry for it. However, I must admit that I am aware of your emotions. I’ve warned Linda that I won’t accompany her unless she apologizes.

“And?” Dusting flour from my hands, I asked him.

“She argued that the regulations make sense. She is traveling alone, then. After this, I don’t want to spend the following few days by myself with Linda.”

For standing up to Linda on behalf of both me and myself, I felt proud of him. However, I also wouldn’t claim that I enjoyed being the source of their marital discord.

And it weighed heavily on my mind that she would have to drive herself to see her mother.

“Are you sure?” I questioned him. “I’ll still babysit, minus the rules.”

“Yes,” he said. “She took it too far, and I’m not okay with that.”

Finally, Linda took a solo trip to see her mother. She texted me to apologize, presumably realizing that I had been really hurt and that even her husband had chosen to stay at home with the kids.

I’m cooking the kids’ meals while Linda stays at her mother’s.

Michael decided that the weekend called for ice cream and swimming at Grandma’s, even if I wasn’t watching them.

I regret starting this argument, therefore I will advise my son to speak with his wife.

But is it incorrect of me to decline to watch my grandchildren after I was given those guidelines? And now that I’ve sparked a disagreement amongst them, is it worse?