Ethical Dilemma: The Unwanted Windfall from My Ex-Husband

Am I Wrong for Not Returning Money My Ex-husband Sent to Me Mistakenly?

Most of us have undoubtedly made the error of sending money to the incorrect person. However, what should you do if you find yourself in the receiving end and the person who unintentionally sent you the money is now owed to you? I did this, but I was called the bad guy for it.

I know that talking about money may be tough, but I’ve found myself in a bit of a pickle. However, discomfort can occasionally be used as a justification for not holding people accountable. In my case, I had all but given up on the money my ex-husband owed me until it arrived in a surprising way.

Because I’m a nurse, my work schedule can get rather hectic, especially when it comes to how many shifts I work. I was so ready to go to bed and crash after working a double shift on this particular day.

My intention for the day was to sleep for half of it as my four kids were also staying with their grandparents. However, my former spouse made two payment transfers of $8,700 and $9,275 by error when I was sound sleeping. I had just finished a long shift when I noticed the money was reflected, which was around 07:40 a.m., according to the message.

It appears that he discovered his error at 7:30, but I had already fallen asleep by then. When I awoke at 4:00 p.m., I had hundreds of missed calls and roughly 150 text messages pleading with me to return the money.

I’d barely remembered my name when I woke up, so the urgent texts made no sense. My first thought was to return the money, but as I was awakening, I realized that I was still owed money by my ex-husband.

To put this financial situation in perspective, my ex-husband and I were divorced seven years ago. He is the father of my four children, although he struggled financially for a while four years ago after losing his work and having to rely more on his rent.

He had made a payment schedule when he first asked for the money, but he never followed through on it. Those texts are still with me, and they will be my proof of legality. Since this transaction was only between the two of us, I would wish for his child support payments—which are managed by the court—to remain separate from this money.

But I saw the inadvertent money transfer as a chance to pay myself back after so many years of his promising to pay it back and not being able to, all the while living his best life with his girlfriend.

I sent back the remaining money and retained the money he owed me, but ever then, I’ve been receiving offensive texts. The primary source of annoyance is that he intended to purchase an engagement ring for his fiancée with the money. My stealing the money he owed wrecked the surprise because he was going to pop the question the following weekend.

As a result, I was portrayed as the antagonist in their narrative, which was understandable given that I had previously closed down my social media accounts due to the girlfriend’s excessively negative and harassing behavior. The friendly relationship I had with my ex-husband’s parents was affected by this incident.

I started to wonder whether I was mistaken after my ex had been attacking me so much, calling me out for my own selfishness and indifference to his happiness. He even said that I still harbored bitterness from our divorce and that I was jealous of the way his relationship was developing.

This is untrue. After nearly ten years of being apart, my life has undergone tremendous upheaval. Ensuring the safety and happiness of my children is a great priority to me. My issue with my ex-husband is that, despite my attempts to help him throughout his difficult times, he never gave me any thought of repaying me.

To say that I’m conceited and envious is like a kick in the face. It seems to me that he is unaware of the help I have provided for him. I also know that our children would be affected by any financial difficulties we face as parents, which is why I lent the money in order to keep our co-parenting relationship positive.

Nevertheless, I made the decision to tell a coworker the tale so they might see the problem from a different angle. As I was narrating the story, someone else at work heard me and thought I was wrong to take the money that was rightfully mine.

I know that if I had sued him, I would have had sufficient proof that he had agreed to a payment schedule thanks to the legal trail I have. But to be honest, I would have paid more for the entire process than I would have owed him.

The numerous payments in arrears are handled by the child support company, which is also aware of them. I believe it’s even going to the point where his pay will be in question. I think I would have prevailed even if my ex had filed a lawsuit since I think I acted appropriately in solely collecting the money he owed me.

However, in light of my ex’s response and the opinions of my coworkers, I’m wondering now if I made the wrong decision in accepting the money. I’m also curious to hear what other people think and whether there was a better course of action.