Birthing Fear: How My Mother-in-Law Became My Greatest Anxiety

I’m Scared To Give Birth Because of My Mother-In-Law

With the emotional rollercoaster that has been my marriage to Alex, where do I even begin? We experienced a love tale that began like a romantic comedy set in a college cafe, replete with a mutual chuckle and coffee spill in the café. But when my time to give birth arrived, everything grew gloomy.

I was a literature major and loved to daydream and write poetry in the margins of my notebooks when I first met Alex. He was an engineering nerd, but he was also grounded and had a way of making differential equations sound romantic.

When we first started out, our differences appeared insignificant, even cute. While he was immersed in robotics projects, I was all about Emily Dickinson and late-night poetry slams.

For some reason, we clicked. We would have nice evenings in together, me reading my most recent work while he fiddled with his devices, or we would argue over which Star Wars film is the finest (the answer is obviously The Empire Strikes Back). It was funny, enjoyable, and uniquely ours.

After a little time, we found ourselves raising our graduation caps in the air, with the world at our feet and a tonne of aspirations and dreams. Life after college drew us closer in ways I never would have imagined.

Together, we waded through the murky seas of job searches and city moves before relocating to Willow Creek, his birthplace. At the time, it made logical because Alex had received a great job offer there, and I reasoned that I could write anywhere as long as I had a good coffee shop and my laptop with me.

At first, moving to Willow Creek was a dream. Everything felt perfect when we found this quaint little flat that had room for both his electronics and my books. However, as it happened, Alex’s decision to relocate to his hometown brought him closer to his family, especially his mother, Mrs. Harlow.

Don’t get me wrong; I respected Alex’s family values and understood their significance. However, I wasn’t quite sure how… Let’s imagine that Mrs. Harlow was a part of our life.

It was difficult enough to go from being college sweethearts to newlyweds in a new city without having to deal with an overbearing but well-meaning mother-in-law.

Mrs. Harlow was a widow, and I appreciated and understood her need for assistance. But her idea of support quickly expanded to include unexpected dinner invites, daily visits, and an endless stream of calls.

I initially made an effort to view it sympathetically because, after all, Alex was all she had. But as boundaries began to melt, empathy became thin with time.

Every significant choice we made, including our professional path and flat décor, in some way required Mrs Harlow’s approval. Our lives appeared to be being observed via a microscope. His mother became into the person he went to all the time.

The true litmus test was when we made our pregnancy known. The only thing that was more exciting and joyful than the news was how much Mrs. Harlow was starting to influence our daily life.

I felt marginalised in my own marriage, both by her requests to move in “to help” and by her amazing ability to generate “emergencies” whenever Alex and I planned something special.

In an attempt to let Alex know how worried I was, I tried to let him know how much it was stressing all of us—especially me. He assured me he would be there for me as soon as I went into labour and that he was only ten minutes away at work, but every talk seemed to come back to the same question: “How can you not trust me to be there for you?”

That’s when I created the ultimate test, a false alarm about going into labour, out of doubt and frustration. Although I don’t think I’m proud of it now, at the time it seemed like the best way to be honest about our priorities. Sadly, everything turned out just as I had anticipated. Between my call and his mother’s alleged emergency, Alex chose his mother.

The day I selected for my test was unremarkable in every manner—a Thursday that didn’t have any special place on our calendar—which made it the ideal setting for the drama that would take place.

I called Alex, my heart thumping my chest, mentally practicing the words “Alex, it’s happening. The baby’s coming” until they finally came out.

There was a tense pause for a while before his excited and terrified voice finally broke through, “I’m on my way!”

The minutes seemed to drag into hours while I waited, and I could only image how busy he was. I could picture Alex telling his boss, his pace quickening on the way to his car, his mind surely whirling with ideas of being a dad.

However, he would unavoidably feel obliged to make another call—this time to his mother—before he could even get to the parking lot. “Mom, Emily’s in labour. I’m heading to the hospital now,” he’d add.

Conversely, Mrs. Harlow, ever the dramatic, would surely embrace the occasion, her “emergency” developing with a startling timeliness. Her reaction, a contrived mixture of anxiety and delight, was meant to push Alex in several directions while binding him to her side with a burden of duty and shame.

After nearly sixty minutes, my phone rang, jolting me out of the maze of ideas. “I’m at the hospital with mum. She had a scare when I told her about the baby. I… I don’t think I can make it, Em. Can you call your friend to be with you?” Alex said, her voice strained and slightly apologetic as she filled our flat with stillness.

His comments pierced through me, yet they were not surprising; they revealed my worst fears. I felt a wave of betrayal, fury, and extreme loneliness.

I felt abandoned in that vulnerable moment, not just by Alex but also by the idea of the family we had imagined starting together. That’s when I broke the news, my voice trembling with emotion and tears streaming down my face. “Alex, there is no baby coming today. It was a test… and you failed.”

Not only am I afraid of the agony involved, but I’m also afraid of the unknown; this fear has hovered over me for as long as I can remember. Giving birth to me resulted in the death of my mother, the lady I never got to know.

As a child, I put together a picture of her from pictures and stories, never forgetting the price I paid to enter this world. I could always hear this fear whispering in my ear, and as my due date got closer, it got louder.

Alex was aware of this anxiety. I recall telling him that night, in the shade of the stars, our communication laden with unsaid feelings. I disclosed the source of my deepest fears, which were how my exhilaration at becoming parents was entwined with a crippling fear that the past might repeat again. That night, Alex hugged me closer and assured me that he would always be there for me—a promise that seemed far off now.

This fear was a whisper at first, but as the days approached, it became a roar that consumed my thoughts and clouded what should have been a joyful time of anticipation.

I could not bear to think of having to give birth without Alex’s support and maybe repeating my own past. Not only did I need him, but I also needed him to see that my anxiety wasn’t unfounded; rather, it was rooted in a loss I had to deal with on a daily basis.

That conversation was followed by a whirlwind of feelings and insights. Alex was forced to consider the consequences of his choices while he was in the centre of the storm. And in the stillness that followed, I called out to my best friend Mia, who has always been my compass amid the roughest of seas.

When I begged Mia to be there for me, to step in and fill the void created by Alex’s uncertainty, she did it without hesitation, her kindness and strength unshakeable.

We had endless conversations about our plans, ranging from hospital procedures to her support for me during labour, all of which helped to calm my strained nerves.

Physically and emotionally, Mia’s presence became a ray of hope, a promise that no matter how things turned out, I wouldn’t have to face them alone.

Mia has been my guiding light during this chaos. Mia is the sister that fate neglected to give me, not simply a friend. We were two forlorn souls who sought comfort in one other’s company when we first met in college.

Mia helped pack up my flat when I relocated to Willow Creek, leaving behind the comforts of our college town. Her presence served as a reassuring reminder of the enduring power of genuine friendship.

I couldn’t have met someone who truly understood my worries about labour as Mia did. Mia sat with me and held my hand as I shared my fear, which was based in the memory of my mother’s death. She provided me with not just comfort but also useful assistance.

Without hesitation, Mia filled the void left by Alex’s conflicting loyalties and the false alarm, which caused our distance from each other to widen.

She made it obvious that I wouldn’t be facing this alone, no matter what, by insisting that I be there for me. She didn’t just offer to be there. In an ocean of doubt, her readiness to support me, stand by me, and act as my champion in the delivery room was a ray of hope.

Mia’s presence soothes my storm, her strength supports my own, and her constant support reminds me that I’m not alone as I get ready for the arrival of my child.

We’ve worked through the difficulties of this journey together, transforming my dread into a tale of resiliency and loyal companionship. Anger, betrayal, and heartbreak were among the storm of emotions that followed that choice.

Whereas I regarded Alex’s actions as validation of my worst fears, he saw them as a betrayal of trust. us made us face hard realities about our relationship and how his mother affected us.

It has not been easy to navigate this. It requires understanding how to set limits while juggling love and frustration in a sensitive way. I’m reminded of the power of our love as I sit here, just days away from actually giving birth, as well as the effort required to cultivate and preserve it in the face of the intricacies of life.

This was a critical point in our journey, characterised by a false alarm and a realignment of ties. It served as a monument to the intricacies of love, the value of safety nets, and the unsaid strength that exists in friendships.

Mia’s steady presence helped me remember the value of a chosen family and the people who fill the voids left by others as I sailed the rough seas of marriage and approaching motherhood.

We learned a lot about ourselves and the people we travel with during these exposed, testing, and receiving moments. Our real allies are the ones we meet at these times, and they’re not often the ones we anticipate.

That being said, know this: it’s acceptable to request time to write your own story, even if it means rewriting the rules of engagement with those closest to you. This is especially true for individuals who are navigating the challenging seas of marriage, in-laws, and setting boundaries.

When I learned of my mother-in-law’s plot to ruin my dear sister’s wedding, we outwitted her.

How even should I begin? It’s time for me to share my tale because lately life has been quite the rollercoaster. At the age of 37, I have been completely enamoured with my spouse for a little more than ten years. Together, we’ve created a stunning life that includes all of the craziness and delight that come with parenting three amazing children: two sons and a daughter who constantly challenge us. However, Laura, my sister-in-law, who is more akin to the younger sister I never had, is also a part of this story.

Shortly after I started dating her brother, I met Laura, and we hit it off right away. Our bond was instantaneous despite our age gap; it felt more like we had known one other for a lifetime than a few weeks. Laura has always been a vital member of our family, full of kindness and a lively attitude.

But Laura’s path hasn’t been without difficulty. She got into a relationship in her twenties with a man who was, to put it mildly, a walking red sign. At first, his money appeared like a dream come true, but it didn’t take long for his true nature to surface. Laura told me how he was egotistical and emotionally abusive, always demanding to be the centre of attention and controlling circumstances such that they revolved around him. Seeing her go through this was awful, and as a spectator, I felt powerless.

Even though their relationship was tumultuous, Laura eventually became pregnant. This should have been cause for celebration, but instead it made an already difficult situation more complicated. My mother-in-law, with whom I’ve never had an easy relationship, saw this as a chance. Persuaded that it was the “right” thing to do for the child’s benefit, she put pressure on Laura to wed him. But everyone knew, save for her, that this marriage was a mistake.

Not surprisingly, their marriage disintegrated almost as fast as it had been coerced. Laura ultimately took the tough choice to terminate things since the situation got worse until she could take it no more. Despite being the best choice for her and her child’s health, my mother-in-law did not agree with this decision. She didn’t care that her daughter was leaving a toxic relationship; she was just distraught. Regardless of how he treated her, she appeared fixated on the idea of her daughter being married to a wealthy guy.

The ramifications were severe. My mother-in-law tried everything to get Laura to change her mind, including throwing tantrums and using emotional blackmail. It was a sad period, and I saw Laura fight to keep her composure in the face of pandemonium. Even though he’d rather avoid the drama, my spouse was conflicted. Although he remained steadfast in his devotion to his sister, managing the family dynamics grew more challenging. Laura received his silent support, which gave her the courage to resist their mother’s irrational requests.

I stood by Laura’s side the entire time, giving her the love and support of a sister. Countless evenings were spent discussing her options, sobbing over how awful her circumstances were, and laughing to keep ourselves from losing our minds. Our relationship strengthened during these times, establishing my position as her chosen family as well as my function as her sister-in-law.

However, life threw us another curveball just when we thought things couldn’t be any more confusing. Unable to let go, Laura’s ex started making unexpected appearances, which led to situations that made us all feel uncomfortable. The stress level increased, impacting not only Laura but our whole family as well. Usually the quiet guy in the family, my husband suddenly found himself in a difficult situation where he had to face the dynamics of his own family head-on.

We eventually succeeded in getting him to permanently stay away, despite some difficulty. My mother-in-law helped to inform him about plans in advance each time. Two years have passed quickly since the mayhem started, but just when we believed our family was at peace again, a new chapter started.

My beloved sister-in-law Laura fell in love once more with Dave, a good-hearted, sincere man who completely won her over. Their love was the kind that could withstand any adversity and gave you hope for happy endings. That is, what we believed.

You see, my mother-in-law, who has always been the enemy in our tale, was unable to go past the past. Despite the chaos he caused in our life, she continued to believe that Laura ought to get back together with her affluent former partner. Laura’s enthusiastic announcement of her engagement to Dave seemed to light a fuse. Our MIL, in her infinite wisdom, stirred up the drama we’d been trying so hard to leave behind by inviting the ex to every family get-together.

The true kicker, though? We were all caught off guard by the sly trap she set up—a covert meeting between Laura and her former partner. It wasn’t your own life; rather, it was the kind of treachery you would expect to see in a lousy soap drama.

Then, a few days ago, I happened upon a scenario that looked like it belonged in a detective story. There was MIL, conspiring with Laura’s former partner to carry out a heinous scheme that made my anger boil. Their objective was to accuse Dave of cheating, a vile and almost impressive approach.

In a hurry, I informed Laura of everything. We came up with a plan together to not only thwart their plot but also to deliver a retaliation so icy that it would stop them in their tracks.

Finally, the day of reckoning came. Ever the sly one, MIL brought Dave over in the hopes of filming the last scene of her bizarre play. She had no idea that Laura and I had already moved two steps ahead of her, hidden behind the exact walls she believed to be her stage.

I could hardly contain my excitement as the scene developed, with Dave complying and the other woman making advances. MIL, hiding out, probably dreaming of her victory, recorded the entire farce.

Then, just when MIL was least expecting it, Laura and I emerged from our hiding place. Her expression was wonderful; it was a mixture of humiliation, disbelief, and realisation that her strategy had failed. She fumbled to defend her behaviour, offering an array of finger-pointing and explanations, but the reality was evident as day.

The fallout happened quickly. As word got out like wildfire, MIL quickly found herself alone and shunned by the people she had previously considered family. It was true that she had dug her own grave, as her actions had distanced her from the same relationships she was trying to control.

Regarding Dave and Laura, their love only grew closer, which is evidence of their tenacity and their shared bond. Their wedding was a lovely event that brought together hearts untarnished by the past. And MIL? Her disappearance served as a quiet monument to the repercussions of her conduct, marking the harsh end of a bitter chapter in our life narrative.

In Jennie’s position, how would you have responded?

Would you like to hear another story? In fact, Laura’s mother-in-law threatened to ruin her life if she didn’t get a divorce from her husband. Laura soon discovered why.

After finding out why, my mother-in-law insisted that I divorce my husband and threatened to ruin my life, but I could only blame myself.

Laura and her spouse, Duane, thought they would be able to achieve their ideal bodies more quickly by taking diet pills. Laura’s excitement was stoked by her sister’s glowing testimonials regarding these amazing tablets that appeared to reduce weight effortlessly. Feeling that they were on the right track, Laura and Duane started taking the pills with every meal, excited about the possibility of becoming a healthier and smaller version of themselves.

One morning, Laura’s mother-in-law Colleen sent her a startling SMS demanding that Laura get a divorce from Duane or else there would be serious repercussions. The statement was confusing and appeared to come out of nowhere. Since they disagreed over the name for their daughter Danielle, Colleen and Laura had been at odds. This tension had persisted throughout their relationship. However, this? This was a whole other story.

Laura tried to get in touch with Duane in a panic, but all she got was silence. When Danielle barged into the kitchen and claimed Laura had poisoned her father, her fear was only increased. Danielle said Colleen had called and said Laura’s actions were the reason Duane ended up in the hospital.

The situation was so ridiculous it was laughable. The idea that Laura had poisoned someone was absurd; she hadn’t. Nevertheless, the menacing sound of “poison” knotted her gut. Laura and Danielle hurried to the hospital, desperate to find the truth, only to meet a chilly, accusing Colleen.

They discovered the sobering reality at the hospital. Doctors said that Duane’s use of diet medications was a major reason why he had been sent to the hospital after becoming sick at work. His health had deteriorated significantly as a result of the supplements’ introduction of a hazardous combination of chemicals. Laura had not been affected even though she had been taking the same drugs, so the news was like a kick to the belly.

The suspicion of intentional poisoning against Colleen hung heavy over the family, casting a shadow. Laura walked over to Duane’s bedside and apologised for the unexpected hurt. Her heart hurt. Duane responded with empathy and forgiveness, fully aware that Laura wasn’t trying to harm him. Still, the issue of how to respond to Colleen’s misgivings persisted.

While Duane recuperated, Laura had to confront the difficult assignment of reconciling with Colleen. Strangely enough, their mutual concern for Duane brought about a shaky peace. Talks that had seemed unattainable suddenly took place at kitchen counters as they worked together to find Duane’s health.

Laura reflected after this experience about the dangers of taking quick fixes for health issues and the unforeseen difficulties they may cause. Instead of leading to transformation, the experience with diet pills had descended into a nightmare of health problems and conflict among the family. There were, however, gleam of hope throughout this turbulent journey—signs of thawing relations with Colleen and a reaffirmed determination to overcoming life’s obstacles as a family.

Laura offers her tale as a helping hand to those who may have gone through similar struggles, finding comfort in the understanding that even the most difficult obstacles can result in fresh starts and closer relationships.

You might love this post about a woman whose mother-in-law attempted to sabotage her sister-in-law’s wedding if you liked reading about Emily and Alex’s relationship and how Alex choose to be with his mom during one of his wife’s most vulnerable moments.