Denied the Honor: My Daughter’s Graduation and the Heartbreaking Ultimatum
My Daughter Forbade Me from Attending Her Graduation Due To Her Dad’s Ultimatum
Since her father left them for his new family, a mother and her daughter had grown quite close. However, the daughter approached her mother one week prior to her graduation celebration, saying she wanted to invite her father, who was no longer with her. But there was one requirement before her dad could go to the function.
An unnamed female narrator started writing on the “AITA” subreddit on June 1, 2022. Despite her parents divorcing before she was born, the woman in her 40s had an 18-year-old daughter named B who had grown up rather close to her father.
But when she became eight years old, their relationship took a turn for the worse when her father got married. He then grew aloof and eventually left her for his new family. B was greatly affected by this abandonment, which resulted in rebellious behavior. B attended treatment and appeared to be managing well in spite of her difficulties.
What Was Upsetting the Woman?
B had not seen her father since she was twelve years old, and the few times he spoke to her each year were vacuous declarations of a possible reconciliation. In spite of this, B and her mother had a close relationship and frequently handled things jointly. B and her mother were so close that B called her mother her “best friend.”
B broke off communication and refused to return after leaving for college.
B’s graduation was coming up, and the woman was looking forward to it. But a week prior to the graduation celebration, B told her mother that she planned to bring her father and his son to the event. Her father made it clear that if he attended, the woman would not be allowed to go to the event.
The woman expressed her displeasure with B, saying that she felt hurt and deceived and that it was unforgivably betrayed. In answer, B stated that she desired for her father to share in her significant life events, in the same way that her mother had attended several ones. Their fight became very heated as a result of this disagreement.
The mom begged her daughter to change her mind the night before the graduation because she was desperate. B, however, was uncompromising and adamantly declared, “I’m sorry, but I’m not changing my mind.” The woman, devastated, turned to go, her heart heavy with grief. She sobbed until her sister came to her aid and suggested they go out for the graduation to take her mind off things. The woman accepted her sister’s advice.
On graduation day, what took place?
When the mom awoke the following morning—the day of the graduation—her daughter was sobbing. She glanced at the time and saw that the ceremony would start in just a few minutes. She queried B, perplexed as to why she hadn’t left yet.
B confessed that her father had abandoned her once more and was no longer reacting in a dejected tone. The mother gave her daughter a strong hug and encouraged her to take advantage of her graduation in spite of the circumstances.
B asked whether her mother would be coming now that her father wasn’t, because she didn’t want to be the only one without their parents. The woman apologized again, said she regretted it, and that she had other plans. B yelled at her mother and called her a rotten mother in her distress.
The mom was so determined to teach her daughter that decisions have consequences that even though it broke her, that she refused to go to the wedding in spite of the chaos. She didn’t said anything since B came back from the graduation, looking incredibly depressed and like she had been crying for a very long time.
Now, the woman struggled with regret and wondered if she had made the right decision. Although her sister agreed with her choice, she felt guilty about it after hearing another parent at the school mention B’s evident sadness during the graduation. The mom, tormented by her feelings, asked for advice and wondered if she was wrong to try to teach her daughter a lesson.
An Additional Discouraging Discussion
The woman provided an update on the situation one day after making her initial post. She disclosed that for the last ten years, her daughter B had been regularly choosing her father over her. There was no sign of manipulation when she checked in with B’s therapist; rather, B was clinging to a romanticized picture of her relationship with her father.
During the talk with her daughter, the mother expressed her regret for missing the graduation and conveyed how she felt excluded and undervalued. B expressed her love, apologized, and asked for things to get back to normal.
B asserted that it was for the best and that she preferred her father’s presence when questioned if she regretted not inviting her mother. The woman was so wounded by this that she confronted B about her lack of consideration for her emotions. Even if her father might not come up, B was unwavering in her resolve to always put her father first.
The woman, filled with resentment and fury, realized when to say “no,” realizing that if B continued her behavior, she might not be able to forgive her. The mom expressed her dissatisfaction at not being treated with the same importance as her daughter’s father in spite of possible repercussions.
She reaffirmed her promise to support B going forward, but she wasn’t sure if she would be willing to carry on with this pattern for important life events like future marriages or graduations. She felt bad for not taking the advise from the internet community, most of whom called her “NTA.”
The Repercussions
In October 2022, the mother gave one last report. She thought back on how she had handled the matter and admitted that her question to her daughter about whether or not she regretted not inviting her had been immature. She explained that even though people called her daughter’s “best friend,” she continued to exercise parental authority and enforce rules.
The wife tried to get in touch with her daughter’s father (father F) after the graduation incident and got a letter back. F said that their daughter had threatened and behaved aggressively toward him and his family, which made him pull away.
While maintaining that he had made an effort to build a positive relationship with B, he accused her of stalking and threatening his family. After the woman confronted B regarding these charges, B accused her mother of causing the disintegration of her father’s relationship. B broke off communication and refused to return after leaving for college.
Despite the discomfort, the woman expressed relief because the experience had damaged her self-esteem. She began therapy, felt a little better, and for the first time in ten years, she even went on a date guilt-free. She was aware of B’s shortcomings in their relationship as well as the difficult conditions they both had to deal with.
Reader Remarks
How do you feel about this narrative? Do you believe the mother ought to have attended her daughter’s graduation ceremony and shown forgiveness?
