Love & Loans: How My Boyfriend’s Text Pushed Me Over the Financial Edge

I’m $40k in Debt Because My Boyfriend Is Not Contributing to Our Bills – This Text from Him Was My Last Straw

When her lover purchases a boat rather than assisting with the bills after she has been carrying the financial load for years, the lady reaches her breaking point. Already drowning in debt and about to lose her job, she arranges an unexpected party that will blow everyone away.

Since we’ve been dating for almost ten years, it’s been quite the journey. We reside in a home that I own, and I take care of the majority of our spending including grocery shopping. You see, he lost his job approximately five years ago, which is when he stopped paying our bills.

For the past three years, he has resumed employment and paid off his own obligations, but he hasn’t actually taken up his portion of our shared costs. He only pays for his mobile phone bill and his auto insurance, and every time I suggest that we should be making additional contributions, we get into a heated argument.

“Just ask if you need money,” he usually says to me, but that’s not really the point. I want a spouse that contributes on a daily basis, not just when I ask.

As a result, I’ve gotten myself into debt for roughly $40,000 in an attempt to maintain our way of life. I’m barely making it, but it’s exhausting. However, today—oh, today—was the final straw.

“Look what I’ve found!” he texted me while I was at work, using an excessive amount of exclamation marks. I opened the letter, inquisitive and excited, thinking maybe it might contain a hilarious meme or a nice puppy video. Instead, it was a picture of a boat, which he had reportedly recently purchased. A vessel!

This boat thing truly confused me. He is aware that we have been struggling financially for some time, and that I would be losing $9k in pay at work the following year. Furthermore, he is well aware of the massive debt I am carrying. However, there he is, purchasing a yacht. He seems to exist in an other reality.

I’ve attempted to discuss money with him before, and it always ends the same way. I become irritated, he becomes defensive, and nothing changes.

When we had our last major argument, I set out all the bills and gave him the figures. In answer, he said, “Why worry about this? We’ll get by.” Organise? How does he suppose we get by?

In addition, I handle 95% of the home and grocery shopping. Not just the large bills build up; daily expenses also do. I’m the one who buys everything: bread, milk, laundry detergent, toilet paper, and so on.

I’ve tried to convey to him how these seemingly insignificant things are progressively getting under my skin, but he simply doesn’t seem to grasp it. or chooses not to.

I guess something inside of me just broke when I saw that picture of the boat. In a moment, the years’ worth of disagreements, tension, and financial strain built up. How could he be so self-centered and ignorant?

That boat was a slap in the face as much as a poor financial choice. It seemed as though he was telling me that our struggles, mine included, were unimportant to him.

That’s when I realised it was no longer simply about the money. It was about partnership, respect, and support, none of which he appeared to be willing to give. I then came to the conclusion that I could no longer do this. I had to make some difficult choices in order to regain control of my life.

The last straw was the acquisition of the boat. My thoughts raced with doubt and rage, but I knew that in order to carry out my plan successfully, I needed to maintain my composure. I had to put an end to this, but I wanted to make sure he would never forget it.

Pretending to be excited about the boat, I texted him back. “Whoa, that looks really good! With a lighthearted and enthusiastic tone, I wrote, “We should definitely celebrate.”

He devoured everything and suggested that we spend that weekend having a romantic meal on the boat. That gives me enough time to get everything ready, I thought, which is perfect.

The following few days passed quickly as preparations and appearances were made. I went about my day, showed up for work, and pretended that nothing had changed at home. On the inside, though, I was calculating how many minutes it would take to be finally free of this mental and financial weight.

At last, the day came. He set the supper at sunset, promising something “super romantic.” I put on a happy face and got dressed up to meet him at the docks with a gift that I had wrapped especially for him.

The boat was well outfitted, though smaller than I had anticipated. He was ignoring my impending storm as he proudly displayed his new acquisition.

He was talking nonstop about future boat trips and adventures while we were eating dinner. I smiled and nodded, playing along as the excitement of what was about to happen raced through my body. I knew it was time as the sun sank and the lake took on a gorgeous light.

I told him to close his eyes because I was going to give him a “special surprise”. He laughed and nodded, perhaps thinking he would hear something quite different. I took out a tiny decorative pillow I had taken with me from my bag.

“Okay, open your eyes,” I replied, maintaining a firm tone despite a little tremble in my palms. He peered at the pillow in my hands, seeming perplexed. His smile faded as he questioned, “What’s this?”

“That’s your new sleeping arrangement,” I said, becoming more assertive in my tone. “The boat is so comfortable, I figured you can live here since you seem to love it more than contributing to our actual home.”

A long hush ensued as his face fell. At last, he whispered, “Are you serious?”

With a “yes,” I got up. “I’m done bearing the two of us. I’m going to move on after paying off my obligations with the sale of the house. You ought to as well.”

I didn’t wait to hear back from him. I left him there, holding the pillow in his hands, on his priceless boat. I felt a wave of comfort and grief rush over me as I walked away.

I felt like a tonne of weight had been lifted off my shoulders as I walked away from that boat. Calling some real estate brokers was the first thing I did when I got home in the morning. Yes, I liked our house, but it was too big for me alone, and it held a lot of memories that I was eager to let go of.

The house sold more quickly than I had anticipated. After paying off all of my bills and getting a decent deal, I had roughly $100k left over. I played it carefully and refrained from going on a shopping binge. I invested a little, saved some money, and purchased a modest but perfectly adequate home.

Experiencing less financial strain made accepting a wage reduction at work less painful. It felt very good to even start decorating my new apartment the way I wanted. At last, it was my place, my decision.

Furthermore, what do you know? After the breakup, things greatly improved in life. I helped with the bills by renting out a room to a really kind lady. I resumed painting and hiking, made some awesome new friends, and generally began to live life to the fullest.

Eliminating him turned out to be the wisest decision I’ve ever done. It was more than just paying off debt; it was about rediscovering who I was and understanding that I deserved much more. I now believe in accepting life as it comes and dealing with it according to my terms. To be honest, I’m quite pleased with the outcome.

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