Need a Laugh on the Road? These 10 Driver Jokes Hit the Gas on Humor
Steering Into Laughter: 10 Hilarious Jokes About Drivers
Everybody needs a little comic relief from time to time, and these ten stories about various drivers will make you laugh out loud! Get a drink and start reading these stories; you’ll be on opposing sides of them!
These stories will have you howling in a matter of seconds, we can bet. Be prepared for an adventure, ranging from humor about two elderly women driving together to a truck driver who has a talking emu!
Not Everyone Is Suitable for Heaven
On that same day, a taxi driver and a priest died and ended up to the gates of Heaven, where St. Peter was waiting for them.
Saying, “Please follow me,” St. Peter waved his hand at the cabbie.
The cabbie dutifully followed, and before long, St. Peter took him to a huge mansion. It had a heated pool, a personal golf course, and an inside theater—it had it all!
“Wow, thank you!” exclaimed the cabbie, who was both surprised and delighted by his good fortune in the other world.
St. Peter then turned to face the priest, who appeared eager and nervous to see where he would land. He followed St. Peter to a little, dilapidated cabin. There was an old black-and-white TV with patchy signal and a groaning bunk bed inside.
“Excuse me, but isn’t there a mistake?” The priest was horrified and questioned. “I served as a priest. I made serving the church and sharing the gospel my life’s work.
St. Peter gave a contemplative nod. It’s true, but people dozed off throughout your sermons. Everyone prayed while the cabbie was operating the vehicle.
The Elderly vs. Bus Driver
A small elderly woman patted the shoulder of a tour bus driver who was driving a bus full of senior citizens around town. She gave him a handful of peanuts and grinned. He ate them gratefully, thinking, “Older people are kind and generous.”
He gladly ate the peanuts when she tapped him again about fifteen minutes later and offered him another batch.
After a few more instances of this, he became curious and said, “Why don’t you guys eat the peanuts yourselves? Perhaps distribute them to the other travelers.
The elderly woman answered, “Oh, don’t worry about us, dear,” with a charming, toothless smile. “We just love sucking the chocolate off them.”
The Horse and the Stranded Driver
On a desolate stretch of road, an out-of-towner unintentionally crashed his vehicle into a ditch. Luckily, a nearby farmer saw him and approached him with Buddy, his large, powerful horse. The farmer yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull!” after offering to help and tying Buddy to the vehicle.
Buddy remained still.
“Pull, Buster, pull!” the farmer yelled.
Buddy did not move.
The farmer yelled, “Pull, Jennie, pull!” again.
Buddy remained motionless once more.
And lastly, “Alright, pull, Buddy, pull!” remarked the farmer nonchalantly. Buddy hauled the automobile out of the ditch with ease in an instant!
Appreciative yet perplexed, the driver asked the farmer why he had called Buddy by several names before utilizing his own.
“Well, Buddy’s blind,” the farmer said, laughing and speaking quietly enough for the horse to not hear. He wouldn’t even try if he believed he was pulling alone.
Driver vs. Police Officer
A female police officer stopped a motorist for speeding.
She happened to look inside his car when she was writing up his ticket and saw multiple machetes on the passenger seat.
With obvious suspicion, she inquired, “What are those for?”
“I’m a juggler,” the driver clarified. “They’re props for my act.”
Uncertain, the officer arched an eyebrow. “Prove it,” this woman insisted.
With a sigh, the driver got out, picked up the machetes, and started juggling them. He added more until he was juggling seven at once, having started with three! He dazzled the officer by tossing them overhand, underhand, and even behind his back!
“Man, I really need to quit drinking!” remarked a passing motorist as he slowed down and took a quick look. “Observe the sobriety tests that are currently being used.”
An Emu and a Truck Driver
A full-grown emu was walking closely after a truck driver who entered a cafe off the highway one Monday.
The waitress came up and inquired what he wanted to order.
The truck driver said, “I’ll have a coffee, fries, and a burger.” “What about you?” he asked, glancing at the emu.
“I think that sounds good. “Please do the same for me,” the emu answered.
The waitress brought their lunch after seeing everything and said, “That’ll be $10.50.”
The truck driver took the exact change out of his pocket and gave it to me!
The pair came back the following day. When he placed his order, the emu said, “Same for me, please.”
The waitress charged him the same amount again, and he produced the same change by reaching inside his pocket!
This went on for a few days. “The usual?” the waitress inquired when they returned one evening.
“It’s Friday night, sorry. The truck driver said, “I’ll have a salad, a baked potato, and a steak.”
A comment from the emu read, “Sounds great… same for me.”
After bringing their food, the waitress replied, “That’ll be $32.65.”
The truck driver dug into his pocket and found the exact change again without skipping a beat!
At last, the waitress’s curiosity got the better of her. “All right, I must know.” How is it that you constantly have the same change on you?
The driver of the truck smiled. “Well, I discovered an antique lamp when organizing my shed a few years ago. A genie appeared and gave me two wishes once I polished it up. The first thing I wanted was to be able to dip into my pocket and find the correct change whenever I needed to pay for something.
The waitress was thrilled and exclaimed, “That’s brilliant!” “No need for a million bucks… you’ll never run out of money!”
“Exactly,” the truck driver grinned and remarked. “Whether it’s a pack of gum or a new car, I’ve always got the exact amount!”
“So, what about the bird?” the waitress inquired inquisitively, still glancing at the emu.
The truck driver shrugged and let out a sigh. “Well, my second wish was for a tall bird with long legs and a great personality who’d agree with everything I say.”
Drunk Passengers vs. Cab Drivers
The taxi driver decided to have a little fun after he picked them up and soon learned his passengers were intoxicated. After starting the engine, he turned it off after letting it idle for a few minutes.
“We’re here!” he shouted, turning to his passengers and maintaining a straight face. You’ve reached your final destination.
After fumbling for his wallet and passing some cash to the driver, the first man staggered out of the vehicle. He did the same, giving him his fare, and the second traveler thanked him.
However, the third man abruptly leaned in and gave the cabbie a face-slap! “Maybe this one wasn’t as drunk as I thought!” the driver thought, shocked.
He rubbed his aching cheek and protested, “Hey, what was that for?”
“Next time, watch your speed!” mumbled the third person. You nearly murdered us all.
A Ride Was Offered by an Older Woman
While returning from a work trip, a woman noticed an elderly woman strolling by the road. She stopped and offered to give her a ride because it was a long, lonely drive. The old woman thanked her and climbed in, grateful.
They kept chit-chatting as they drove down the street until the old woman’s gaze landed on a brown bag on the floor of the passenger seat. She inquired curiously, “What’s in the bag?”
“Oh, it’s a bottle of wine,” the woman said, glancing down at it. I bought it for my hubby.
After pausing, the elderly woman nodded and smiled knowingly, saying, “Good trade.”
The Driver and the Scientist
On his approach to a significant conference, one of the world’s leading scientists turned to his chauffeur, who happened to look a lot like him, and groaned, “I’m so TIRED of these conferences.” I continue to deliver the same speech over and over again.
The driver gave a nod. “You know, I’ve been to every one of your talks, and even though I’m no scientist, I think I could give your speech with ease by now.”
After chuckling, the scientist suddenly got an idea. “How about we trade places? I’ll take a break, and you may talk.”
After changing into the scientist’s clothing, the driver boldly entered the stage and started giving the customary lecture as soon as they got there. Now posing as the driver, the real scientist sat down in the crowd.
It was everything going well until a man in the crowd, full of pride, raised his hand and posed an extremely difficult question in an attempt to stump the “scientist.”
As everyone in the room waited for the answer, silence descended. The driver, however, did not hesitate to address the man directly, saying, “Sir, your question is so simple that I’ll let my driver here answer it for you.”
Farmer vs. Driver
A calf suddenly jumped across the roadway as a motorist was speeding along it. He struck the baby animal by accident since he was unable to stop in time. Feeling bad, he found the owner of the calf and told him what had happened. “What would the calf have been worth?” he then asked.
“Well,” the farmer said, scratching his brain, “it’s worth around $200 right now. However, it would have been worth $900 after six years. That’s $900 that I’m losing out on.
The driver sat down, wrote out a check, and nodded thoughtfully.
The avaricious farmer accepted it and said, “Here’s a check for $900… postdated six years from now.”
Two Older Women Traveling
Two elderly women who could hardly see over the dashboard were taking a leisurely Sunday drive. The intersection they were approaching had a red light, but they sped through it! Wondering if she was dreaming, the traveler blinked. She wondered, “Did we just run a red light?”
A few minutes later, they came up to another red light and went right through it again! Even though the passenger was almost certain that something was wrong, she still had some doubts.
She stared carefully as they reached a third crossroads, determined to listen. They swept through it again as the light turned red!
“Susan!” she exclaimed, at last losing control. “Are you aware that we just ran three red lights? We might have been killed.
“Oh!” Susan seemed surprised when she answered. “Wait… am I driving?”
