Generational Divide: The Misunderstanding Behind Our Wedding Gift
Our Granddaughter Accused Us of Being Cheap after Getting Our Wedding Present
Our granddaughter had a register, so my husband and I purchased a wedding gift for her. After receiving the wedding present, she contacted us and said we were inexpensive. We gave each of our grandchildren a financial gift the day before their wedding, and now she is furious and threatening to cut us off since we didn’t give it to her.
I’m a proud grandma to five amazing grandchildren—two guys and three women—and I’m in my 70s. I love my grandchildren and provide for them both materially and emotionally quite a bit. They are aware that they can rely on me for support during happy or sad times.
Eloise, the youngest grandchild, tied the knot in October of last year. For our grandchildren, my husband—who is also in his 70s—and I have a custom. The day before the wedding, we give them a cheque for $40,000. We also purchase a little present from the wedding registry, usually the cheapest item.
It’s ultimately up to them, although we hope they’ll utilize it for a house. We also ask that they keep it a secret because of the size of our family. Everyone has complied with this request thus far.
This time, we sent our youngest granddaughter—the cheapest item on her registry—an air fryer. We received a furious call from Eloise, who branded us cheap. When I answered her phone, she didn’t even say hello; instead, she just became irrationally angry and exclaimed, “Grandma, really? I recently received your gift. A fryer that uses air? The least expensive item you could locate on my registry is that.”
I told her that even though the air fryer was the cheapest item on their registry, I still thought it would be helpful to them, which surprised her. Eloise continued to gripe, “Effective? You know you’re capable of more than that, so come on. Everyone is aware that you are wealthy. It just amazes me that you would be so stingy with me. It’s awkward.
I told her, “Yes, you’re right,” during this heated exchange. We are old, cheap, and worthless. The only thing you were unaware of was that we intended to give you a $40,000 check the day before the wedding.”
I told Eloise this in an effort to clarify to her the financial gift we typically give our grandchildren before to their wedding, but she was so enraged at this time that she wasn’t paying attention to anything I had to say. After all, we had just bought her an air fryer, so perhaps she didn’t think we would give her so much money?
She eventually stated, “No, it’s obvious. Simply put, you don’t love me enough to express it. You are aware of the pressure the wedding is putting on me. And this after that? You seem to be indifferent,” she said, hanging up.
My spouse and I were shocked by Eloise’s response, but we still opted to give her the $40,000 because we didn’t think she deserved it. Instead, we got her a china set in an attempt to placate her.
Let’s go back to last week. We were being honest with her about the money, as Eloise learned from her brother. She contacted us again, accusing us of discriminating after verifying it with her cousins. “It turns out that you really did give the money to everyone else when they got married,” she said. Why did I not receive anything?
“We felt after your reaction to the wedding gift, it wasn’t right to go ahead and gift you the money,” we said, explaining why we were standing firm. Eloise begged in an attempt to persuade us otherwise, saying, “So, you’re punishing me? Is that all there is to it? since the reason for my ire was an air fryer.”
She didn’t even realize what she had done wrong, and that infuriated me. Eloise, it had nothing to do with the air fryer. It was the disdain in the way you spoke to us. We can’t support or anticipate that,” I clarified.
With tears in her eyes, Eloise begged us, saying, “But that’s so unjust! I was anxious, Granny. Organizing a wedding is difficult, and I lost my cool. I didn’t intend for any of it. She merely needed to apologize to us, in my opinion, rather than coming up with reasons to defend her actions.
But we recognize that this is a trying moment, but words and deeds have repercussions, I informed her. We wanted you to see how important love and family are compared to material possessions.” Eloise said, desperate, “But you don’t understand! Can’t we just put this whole thing behind us? Grandma, I need that money.
We refused to give up even though she begged, threatened to boycott Christmas, and said we were cutting her off. Finally, I said, “We really do love you.” I’m not trying to cut you off with this. We merely ask that you consider this and comprehend the reasoning behind our choice.”
Following through on her threat, Eloise is now skipping Christmas. Our daughter-in-law, her mother, is supporting her and calling us irrational. Nonetheless, we believe that the air fryer present shouldn’t have caused this response given everything we’ve done for Eloise.
To put things in perspective, her parents paid for half of her wedding and her graduate school, and we had already paid for her college. She and her spouse also don’t really need our money because they are financially secure.
As she is one of the family members who is permitted to know about the cash donation, we are likewise not displeased with our grandchildren for disclosing it. We always send our gifts ahead of schedule because we live far away, which is why we sent the air fryer earlier.
The money we offer is also separate from the wedding gift; we hope it will be put toward something meaningful, like a house. We now believe that the action we took against Eloise was justifiable, and we won’t change our minds—not even in the face of threats from her and her mother.
My spouse and I remain committed to our choice in spite of the turbulent circumstances and Eloise’s inability to comprehend our viewpoint. In our family, we value love and respect above everything else, therefore we thought she would learn something from this experience.
Her family’s absence this year may make the holidays quieter, but we hope for future healing and understanding. Eloise is welcome to come and reconcile anytime she is ready. Our hearts and door are always open.
Would you like more of this kind? Here’s another tale about a grandma who, by not giving her grandchildren gifts when she visits, caused outrage on the internet.
When Grandma visits her grandchildren, she doesn’t bring them gifts.
An online dispute between grandparents and parents was triggered by a contentious video released by a grandmother who uses TikTok to provide advice on being a grandparent. She stated at the beginning of one of her movies that she never brings presents to her grandchildren.
Helping newlywed grandparents adjust to their new role is DeeDee from MoreThanGrand’s mission. She offers resources to assist grandparents in better assisting and interacting with parents as they raise their cherished grandchildren. She did release certain stuff, though, that didn’t sit well with many people. They thought she was overreacting and taking things a bit too literally.
Why Doesn’t She Take Her Grandchildren Presents?
The grandmother only saw her grandkids a few times a year because she lived in a distant place from where they lived. Early in her grandmotherhood, she made the decision not to bring anything every time she visited.
Her grandchildren had so many stuff already, so it was one of the reasons she didn’t want to bring any more. She made an effort to encourage the parents who wished to keep their house clutter-free.
Her frugal attitude toward money was another factor. “I’m cheap and I don’t want to waste money on stuff that’s just going to be cast aside,” she said.
But the primary reason she declined to send gifts for her grandchildren was that she didn’t want them to associate her with anything positive. She desired for them to look forward to seeing her.
She did not want her grandchildren to ask her what was in her luggage when they ran to the door. Rather, she desired for them to welcome her with tender grins and cozy embraces.
The Woman Clearly Stated That She Wasn’t Always Selfish
The mom made it clear that she didn’t always go see her grandchildren empty-handed. Sometimes she would come in with a book that she had been reading to them over video chat, and they would read it together in bed.
Some thought she was going too far, while others praised her for her simplicity.
Occasionally, she would bring a board game so they could play it together. She would bring the board game home with her after her visit so her grandkids would have something to play when it was their turn to see her.
She even brought the cookies her grandmother used to give her as a child to remind her of her early years. These were uncommon occurrences, nevertheless.
Rather, she would offer her complete focus and her warm embraces. It’s been the most satisfying thing for the woman. Her grandchildren run to give her a hug and express how much they miss her whenever they see her at the door. An internet discussion was started when she offered her perspective on loving grandchildren without requiring gifts.
Some thought she was going too far, while others praised her for her simplicity. According to several users, providing gifts to children is a true love language that they really value.
“My grandmother was just like you describe her:… I considered her to be frugal,” a commenter said. They believed that, particularly in cases where children had not seen their grandmother in a while, it was acceptable for them to receive tiny tokens of appreciation. It’s the thought that matters, after all.
Not to mention, individuals didn’t think they had to pick one over the other or face an either-or situation. People told her it was acceptable to periodically give her grandchildren small presents while also being actively involved in their lives.
How do you feel about the woman’s perspective on presenting gifts to kids? Are you in agreement with it?
